Jan 20 2009
Neckties - Why?
It’s so obvious that sometimes you wonder why you even have to start a story. I mean guys, how many of you actually enjoy wearing a necktie. We only wear it because it makes us fit in. Someone gave it to you as a gift. Sadly it’s a requirement for many places of employment.
It’s reminiscent of the days when slaves had chains that were locked at the neck with a padlock and everyone was tied together to join in some group work effort. Sounds like every office I ever worked in.
In some places of work they are considered a hazard and must be contained inside clothing. I actually had a supervisor in an automotive parts plant tell me that I must remove my tie. It was a safety hazard. That wasn’t really the reason because we had just left the front end of the building where we had a very cordial discussion with the manager that was responsible for plant safety.
She was just flexing the union muscle because I symbolized management with the tie. I was just there to assist an associate in his quest to supply forklift equipment. I was along for advice only. There to make sure the customer was getting what they needed for the job. Mind you none of the equipment was in motion. In fact, there wasn’t much of anything going on in that GM plant.
In the forklift company that I worked for, the boss used to wear those $75+ versions with the gold tie clip. He was constantly adjusting that clip or dunking the tie into whatever meal we had when we lunched as a group. It was the off site management meeting really.
You can never get a tie cleaned in such a way that it returns to its original form. He tried every way to avoid this frustration but it was liked the ties had a soup magnet or something. He’d always steal your napkins trying in vain to minimize the damage. His wife just bought that one for him. Ah, another symbol of slavery.
And what’s the first thing we do when we get home. The tie is removed in a fashion that is most definitely the same breath of freedom that that slave would feel when the chain is unlocked. They both rub their neck in relief with their new found freedom.
Only buy someone a tie for a gift if you really hate them. Why must you insist on punishing a friend or a loved one.
I think we should institute a new dress code everywhere. No neckties allowed. Turtlenecks only. Failure to do so will result in the tie being cut with scissors. I’ve seen people do it. They just wanted to set you free and that is all they wanted to do. They meant you no harm. They could already see you were in pain.
I tried to come up with something practical that we could do with all the neckties that are hanging on those twirly things in the closet.
Sometimes it’s just better to admit defeat.
